How Women Support Partners With Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety is a common but often unspoken challenge in relationships. It can affect men of all ages, leading to stress, self-doubt, and difficulty with intimacy. While it's a normal experience, the way partners respond to it can shape both emotional and physical connection. To understand how women navigate this issue, we surveyed those who have had a partner experience it. Their insights reveal the challenges they faced, how they reacted, and the support they offered.

Key takeaways

• 78% of women have had a sexual partner with performance anxiety, and 59% believe porn contributes to it.
• Over 1 in 5 women feel uncomfortable discussing performance issues with their partner.
• 48% of women blame themselves for their partner's performance anxiety.
• 30% of women admit to faking orgasms to make their partner feel better.

Women's experiences with male performance anxiety

Sexual performance anxiety refers to stress or nervousness about sex, which can lead to difficulties with arousal, maintaining an erection, or reaching orgasm. Many women have had a male partner experience this, but not all have been able to discuss it comfortably.

A majority of women (78%) reported having been with a partner who experienced performance anxiety. When asked about potential causes, 59% pointed to pornography as a key factor, believing it influences men's expectations and confidence.

Open conversations about performance issues aren't always easy. Over 1 in 5 women (22%) said they feel uncomfortable discussing the topic with their partner. In some cases, attempts to address performance anxiety were met with denial or manipulation. Nearly 1 in 5 women (19%) felt gaslighted when bringing up the issue, meaning their concerns were dismissed, distorted, or invalidated to make them doubt their own perception.

Women responded in different ways when faced with a partner's performance anxiety during sex. Most often, they faked an orgasm to spare their partner's feelings (30%) or avoided discussing the issue altogether (28%). A quarter felt pressure to be extra supportive or find a way to fix the situation, and 21% avoided sex entirely to sidestep the challenge.

While these responses are understandable, open communication can create a healthier way forward, allowing both partners to cope with performance anxiety together. We'll next take a look at women's emotional and mental responses to these situations and how performance anxiety has impacted intimacy for some.

Nearly half of women (48%) assumed their partner's performance anxiety was their fault. The first time they experienced this issue during sex, many felt empathy (47%) for their partner but also insecure (45%) and concerned (45%).

Some also questioned their own desirability — 25% felt self-conscious about their attractiveness due to a partner's struggles in the bedroom. Recognizing that performance anxiety is often rooted in stress, pressure, or external influences rather than personal shortcomings can help shift these feelings more toward empathy and support.

How women support partners with performance anxiety

Even when faced with their partner's performance anxiety, most women choose to stay in the relationship and offer support in different ways. Here's what's worked best for them.

Most women (91%) remained in a relationship despite their partner's struggles with performance anxiety. Nearly half (47%) actively comforted their partner, while others took a more passive approach — 27% ignored the issue, and 22% felt frustrated but chose to stay silent.

Women also identified the most effective ways to provide support. The top approach, chosen by 55%, was avoiding putting pressure on their partner, allowing them to work through it at their own pace. Encouraging open communication (48%) and reassuring him that it's normal (43%) were also seen as helpful. Some prioritized emotional connection over physical performance (34%), while 33% believed in letting their partner bring it up when they were ready.

Moving forward with understanding and support

Performance anxiety can be challenging for both partners, often leading women to blame themselves, change their behavior, or struggle with communication. Despite these difficulties, most remained supportive, with many finding that reducing pressure, fostering open conversations, and prioritizing emotional intimacy helped. While performance anxiety can create stress, it doesn't have to define a relationship. Approaching it with patience, reassurance, and mutual understanding can lead to a stronger, more connected partnership.

Methodology

We surveyed 1,000 heterosexual American women on March 11, 2025, to understand their experiences with male sexual performance anxiety. Among them, 78% had been with a partner who experienced performance anxiety, while 22% had not. Only those who had encountered it were shown related questions. All responses were self-reported.

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